Londonstani excerpt

From Londonstani by Gautam Malkani

 -- Hardjit, beita, vot is this mess? -- Homework, Mama, we need the laptop. -- Haa? Vot lapdog? -- Laptop. I need his laptop ...Mennu CORM-PEW-TAR di zaruraht hai, Mama. For school project. -- Acha, theekh hai. But please, beita, don't ruffle bedcover. Is made from really real, genuine silk. I got from Aunty Nirmal in Mumbai. Beita, please, why not use desk Papa got for you? Then she started clearin some space on the desk by movin Hardjit's collection a Hugo Boss aftershaves. He actually bought his own stead a just gettin them as recycled gifts from other relatives. There was a bottle a Hugo Man, Hugo Dark Blue, Boss in Motion, Boss Bottled, the original Boss Number One, Hugo Boss Baldessarini an even a limited edition blue ball a Boss In Motion. While she' clanging the bottles together, Hardjit says something to us in Urdu slang so that his mum can't understand. He always said a proper rudeboy shoudn't just know either Hindi or Panjabi to keep shit secret from goras but also a little Urdu slang to to keep shit secret from mums an dads. I'm still working on my Panjabi, though I reckon I already know more than most coconuts do. 

© Gautam Malkani